


Disney Age

by Kashamuffin



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Crack, Disney, Gen, Parody, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kashamuffin/pseuds/Kashamuffin
Summary: Not super well written, but there are a bunch of Disney Songs done with Dragon Age II characters.  I think I'm funny, anyways...





	1. Hawke's Training Session

Disclaimer: I own neither Mulan nor Dragon Age

~The Hanged Man~ 

"Are you going to tell us why you asked us here, or just keep drinking?" Fenris growled. 

Hawke finished his drink before fixing his gaze on Fenris. "Fine. Since you want to be grumpy, I'll just get to the point," he said, turning to see the rest of his companions. "I have called you all here because I have noticed something. You guys are great, don't get me wrong, but it's become clear to me that I'm better than all of you." 

" _Excuse_ me?" Isabella asked incredulously. 

"Now hold on, don't get offended; it's really not your fault. But I'm going to help. I'm holding a mandatory training camp tomorrow in the woods just outside of town." 

"Um… If we're having a training camp, wouldn't it be better to do it farther from town? I'm not thrilled by the idea of being caught by the Templars because we were too close," Anders said. 

"Oh," Hawke said looking at him, "we don't need magic for this. I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow in the woods!" With that, Hawke walked out of the tavern, leaving a very confused group of people in his wake. 

~The Woods Outside of Town: Morning~ 

Varric yawned, stepping into the line. 

"I still can't believe we're wasting our time with this," Bethany complained. "Why did I even agree to come out for this?" 

"Because he's your brother and you didn't have a choice," Aveline said, looking at her. "Besides, it's a good idea. I have monthly training sessions for my guards." 

"Alright!" Hawke came out shirtless. He looked at everyone, standing in their line. "You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning! Anyone who acts otherwise, will answer to me." He pulled his bow out of a barrel. 

"Oh, tough guy," Varric whispered to Anders. 

"Varric," Hawke pointed an arrow towards him, "thank you for volunteering." He shot the arrow into the top of a pole. "Retrieve the arrow." 

Varric headed over to the pole. "I'll get that arrow, pretty boy. And I'll do it with my shirt, on." 

"One moment! You seem to be missing something," Hawke pulled two weights out of a case. "This," he said, tying one of the weights to Varric's hand and holding it up, "is discipline. And this," he said, tying the other weight to the other hand and holding it up, "represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow." 

Everyone tried and failed to climb up the pole. "We've got a long way to go," Hawke said, exasperated. He then walked over to a barrel filled with numerous long sticks. He picked them up and threw one to everyone. They caught them, surprised. "We are gonna have a montage!" "Let's get down to business, to defeat the darkspawn," Hawke began to lead them in practice. "Did they send me daughters, when I asked, for sons?" 

Isabella, Aveline, Bethany, and Merrill exchanged looks of worried confusion. 

"You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet, before we're through; Mister, I'll, make a man, out of you!" 

"That will probably be very difficult. I didn't even know we could change genders," Merrill said confused. 

"He didn't mean it literally, Merrill," Isabella explained. 

"Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within," Hawke continued pulling out his bow and arrow. "Once you find your centre, you are sure to win!" 

Sebastian and Varric were rather pleased by the change in weaponry. The same could not be said for everyone else though. They tried awkwardly to shoot at their targets. Things only got worse as the next exercise was standing with a bucket of water on their heads trying to deflect the rocks being thrown at them. The day was not looking good so far. "You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue. Somehow, I'll, make a man, out of you," Hawke said threateningly, taking the bucket off of Anders head. 

"I'm never gonna catch my breath," Varric said, running. 

Bethany followed behind, "Say goodbye to those who knew me!" 

Merrill paused for a minute after trying, and failing, to break a brick with her head. "Boy was I fool, in school for cutting gym." 

" _This guy's got 'em scared to death!_ " Sebastian thought. 

Isabella got up after being punched. "Hope he doesn't see right through me!" 

"Now I really wish that I knew how to swim," Fenris said, pausing yet again before jumping to the next post in the lake. 

"Be man!" shouted everyone else. 

"We must be swift as a coursing river!" Hawke, shouted, thrilled that his friends were going along with this for so long. 

"Be a man!" 

"With all the force of a great typhoon!" 

"Be a man!" 

"With all the strength of a raging fire! Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" They started hiking up the mountain, each carrying a stick with two bags weighed down. "Time is racing towards us, 'till the Qunari, attack! Heed my every order, and you might, survive!" He doubled back when he noticed that Merrill had fallen behind. He took her stick and ran back to the front, leaving her to catch up. Later at night he came and found her in camp. "You're not suited for the rage of war! So pack up, go home; you're through! How could I, make a man, out of you?" He handed her things and walked away. 

Merrill sat there and looked up at the arrow. Then she got an idea. She began trying again to climb up the pole while everyone else was sleeping. 

"Be a man!" everyone shouted. 

"We must be swift as a coursing river!" 

"Be a man!" 

"With all the force of a great typhoon!" 

"Be a man!" 

"With all the strength of a raging fire! Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" 

Merrill then decided that climbing was a waste of time so she just used magic to get herself and the weights to the top of the pole and threw the arrow down at Hawke's feet. Hawke invited her back in for the last bit of training. 

"Be a man!" everyone shouted. 

"We must be swift as a coursing river!" 

"Be a man!" 

"With all the force of a great typhoon!" 

"Be a man!" 

"With all the strength of a raging fire! Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" Hawke finished singing the last little bit, then turned gleefully back to his companions. They looked battered and bruised and vaguely annoyed. 

"What just happened here?" Anders looked around, confused. "We were only here for, like, four minutes. How did we do all that?" 

"It's the magic of a montage, Anders," Hawke said, beaming at him. "So, anyways, ready for the Qunari invasion now?" 

~After the Next Fight~

"I just don't get it!" Hawke complained. "It's like you guys haven't improved at all!" 

"Well maybe, if you had tried to have an actual training session rather than a four minute montage, it would have been more effective," Aveline said, glaring over at him. 

  



	2. Sebastian Just Can't Wait to be King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Can't Wait to be King with Sebastian, Hawke, and Bethany

Disclaimer: I own neither The Lion King nor Dragon Age

 

~The Chantry~

 

"So, let me get this straight," Hawke said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're a prince? You're actually going to be ruling an entire country?"

 

"Well, yes. Unless I go back to the Chantry," Sebastian said.

 

Bethany looked at him. "I think you'd be much better as a king than as a brother of the Chantry."

 

"I think so too," Sebastian smiled. "I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!"

 

"Well I've never seen a king of men with quite as many morals," Hawke said snidely.

 

"I'm gonna be the main event: like no king was before! I'm brushing up on looking down and working on my roar!"

 

"Thus far a… Wait…what? Roar?"

 

"It's a king thing, just don't ask," Sebastian said, waving it off.

 

"Um, okay then I guess. Anyways, thus far a rather uninspiring thing."

 

"Oh I just can't  _ wait _ to be king!" he said, running up to the second floor of the Chantry. "No one saying 'do this'!" 

 

Bethany ran up with Sebastian.

 

Hawke started to follow saying, "Now, when I said that–"

 

"No one saying 'be there'!" Bethany joined in.

 

"What I meant was—"

 

"No one saying 'stop that'!" Sebastian said, looking over at Bethany.

 

"What you don't realize—"

 

"No one saying 'see here'!" Sebastian and Bethany said in unison.

 

"Now see here!" said an increasingly annoyed Hawke.

 

"Free to run around all day." Sebastian swung around one of the columns.

 

"That's definitely out—"

 

"Free to do it all my way!"

 

Hawke decided to try a new angle. "I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart-to-heart."

 

Bethany laughed. "Kings don't need advice from little heroes for a start."

 

"If this is where the monarchy is headed, count me out! Out of service, out of the Free Marches; I wouldn't hang about! This guy is getting wildly out of hand."

 

"Oh, I just can't wait to be king!" Sebastian ran up to the pulpit and addressed the people in the Chantry. "Everybody look left!"

 

Bethany ran up beside him. "Everybody look right!"

 

"Everywhere you look, I'm," Bethany joined in, smiling, "standing in the spotlight!"

 

"Not yet!" Hawke said, trying desperately to be heard.

 

Sebastian ran over to the Chantry chorus and got them to join in.

 

The chorus began singing. "Let everybody go for broke and see! Let's hear on the herd and in the wings! It's gonna be king Sebastian's finest fling!"

 

"I didn't even know the Chantry  _ had _ a chorus," Hawke mused.

 

"It's fairly new," Sebastian explained. "To be honest, this sort of thing is pretty much half the reason I wanted it. More importantly though," he began dancing around again, "I just can't  _ wait _ to be king!"

 

Bethany smiled and followed Sebastian. "Oh, he just can't wait to be king!"

 

"Oh I just can't wait—"

 

"Just can't wait—" Sebastian came and stood next to Bethany.

 

"To be king!" they said in unison.

 

Hawke sighed. "Why do I even bother?"

 

They heard someone clear their throat and they all looked back to see Grand Cleric Elthina looking rather annoyed.

 

"Ah, Grand Cleric," Sebastian started, awkwardly, "so good to see you!"

  
"It would be good to see you too if it were under different circumstances. The next time you feel the need to have musical number, please take it outside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this was written ages ago and posted on fanfiction. I edited it a little bit but it’s mostly unchanged. The suggestion was from kali yugah on fanfiction.net. Like last time, if you have any ideas, let me know. :)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this actual years ago and posted it on fanfiction.net, where it still is, and wrote a bunch of Disney songs done with Dragon Age characters. Because why not. My chapter writing slowed down and then eventually stopped. I just recently started writing chapters again so I’m going to start posting the story here, starting with old chapters, moving towards new ones. The chapters are going to be the same, just slightly edited. I already had 16 chapter written and just wrote two new chapters so it will take a while to get to actual new chapters, but if there are any Disney songs you want to see done with Disney characters, leave me a suggestion and I’ll look at doing it. Although, fair warning, I’m very slow about it sometimes. I do read them and love the suggestions I got when I first started though.


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